so. many. questions.

In exactly one week my CNA program begins. For the last few weeks I've been trying to understand what it's going to be like. Let me say here and now that the internet is VERY slim on how CNA programs work. There are lots of places on the 'Net that talk about the skills that you'll learn, but I have very little clue how it's all gonna go down.

That's why I'm here, writing this.

The oddest questions are popping up in my mind. How do you take the blood pressure of a patient without limbs? I'm a strong guy, but what happens when I'm faced with moving a 350 lb. patient? There's no way I can do that on my own. And what's going to happen when I need to care for elderly female patients? Will they allow me to bathe them, or am I going to have to find a female co-worker to handle it? I can stick my hand in anything, and I rarely get queasy at the sight of blood or bodily injuries/fluids, but how exactly do you cleanse a patient sitting in a big pile of liquid excrement? Where do you start? I don't own a vagina (nor do I know my way around one well), and I'm not sure I'd really know how to properly clean one without making the patient uncomfortable. Is that somewhere in the lesson plans? And I've come to understand that we'll learn how to shave patients. Does that include shaving everywhere or just the face? And what will our uniforms be like? I know we have to wear white (seems cruel) but that's all I know.

Seriously. This is the kinda stuff I'm pondering in my free time.

Twisted, yes, but hey, I just want to get started already. I was accepted back in October and it's the end of December right now. My life of leisure is coming to a close, and while I've enjoyed it tremendously, it's time to get back to some sort of grind. And as it unfolds, I'll try to keep you up to speed with what we're doin'.

In other news, I received an A in my foundation biology class and an A in medical terminology. Yay for straight A's my first semester back in school after ten-plus years. This coming semester is going to be rougher. Foundation chemistry, which I've aced in the past, and A&P I, which I'm more than a little bit scared of. We learned lots of anatomy in med term, but this is the real deal.

Full of questions I am, and in time all will be revealed. Happy Holidays folks. Have a safe and Happy New Year!